so many thoughts

I watched a movie called Into the Wild on Friday night. It's a true story about a guy in his 20's that leaves home, sets out to be free from society amid the wilderness. It's a very sad story and everyone I have talked to has different opinions about it. I really liked it and somewhere deep inside I envy the guy. I mean, obviously not the dying part in the end, but today something struck me as I was standing inside a store at the mall next to my work that I go to every day. As I was standing there, it felt as though I was frozen in the moment and everyone was passing me by in slow motion. All the women with their big handbags, their fancy jewelry, and their designer label suits. I suddenly became nauseous and could vividly see a little girl in Africa somewhere alone on a dirt road carrying water to her family, whoever was left of it. Smiling and singing. Though she had nothing, she was full of joy. Happy. Content. Her heart did not long for something that wouldn't fill it anyways. I realized in that moment that I am so much like these women around me. And it made me so incredibly sad. I thought of the movie, and I understood his need to get away from it all. So much of what this world has to offer us is a lie, but yet we buy into it and think that somehow someway it will define us and make us better, or more significant, or beautiful or rich or wanted. 

I downloaded a couple of the songs from the movie and one is really striking a chord with me. It's called "Society" by Eddie Vedder:

It's a mystery to me 
we have a greed 
with which we have agreed 

You think you have to want 
more than you need 
until you have it all you won't be free 

society, you're a crazy breed 
I hope you're not lonely without me 

When you want more than you have 
you think you need 
and when you think more than you want 
your thoughts begin to bleed 

I absolutely love this song! I love the line "until you have it all, you wont be free" This is SO true! We think we must have more and more and more and it never ends. But instead of becoming free, we are bound up even more tightly within its walls. I hate that this is what society has become. I hate that we have agreed to be greedy and full of pride and jealousy. When Jesus came 2000 years ago, He came so that we could have life more abundantly. But culture has made a deal with the devil to sacrifice life more abundantly and settle for life more instantaneously. We aren't willing to wait for God's provision. Everywhere you look in the Bible, Jesus calls us to wait upon the Lord, to forgive our enemies and to be humble to our masters. But why on earth would we do that when those things hurt and are sometimes very difficult to withstand?! I am so incredibly guilty of this. As I drove home today, I stewed in my anger that someone had hurt me. When someone hurts me, my immediate reaction is to hurt them back. I want them to experience or at least understand the pain that they have inflicted upon me. I immediately felt convicted and thought of when Jesus told Peter how many times He should forgive someone when they hurt you:

Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times? "No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven"

I was humbled because God is so incredibly good. He looks upon us with so much love, and I know it saddens Him greatly to see our world in the condition it is in. I know it hurts Him when I sin and when I behave the way I do. But He loves me so much that He forgives me, sweeps me up into His arms and teaches me how to do it better next time. I guess what I am trying to say is that I dont want what society has to offer me, and at the same time I know I am guilty of being part of it. I pray that I always recognize the blessings that He is pouring upon me and that I take none of it for granted.