Time to breathe

In the next 3 months (well a little less than that) I will be busy preparing to move to another country and planning a fundraiser in 3 cities on 2 continents. On top of that, everyone I know has a birthday this summer, most of whom are turning 30, I'm turning 30, friends are having babies, my niece is turning 13, I'll be visiting family in Ohio, getting jiggy in Vegas, and running my butt off to train for a half-marathon..... And the thought occurred to me tonight: Will I have any time to breathe???

Unafraid

I've been thinking a lot about fear lately. The first bible study I ever went to, I vividly remember the teacher saying that we should "Do it afraid". I really liked that. He wasn't talking about anything specific, just about our fears in general. That we shouldn't let them stop us and that we should push forward into the unknown with our fears and doubt in place.... Well I took his advice and started doing everything afraid.

That was a little less than 3 years ago. Since then, fear has taken a front seat in my life. I have been doing too many things afraid and have sat in the muckiness of doubt and have not been able to fully enjoy the victories that God is doing in my life...

This is my new motto: Do it unafraid. I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want fear to control my every whim and doubt to get in the way of His blessing. There are too many amazing things happening for me to sit idly by watching them, hoping that nothing bad happens even though promise after promise has been given to me. I don't want to live walking on eggshells because I am so worried about what other people think of me. This is what the bible tells me: I am royalty. The daughter of the King who sits on His throne in Heaven eagerly waiting to bless me. I am loved with an unfailing love and that perfect love drives our fear! He has told me that I am forgiven because of what He has done for me. He has told me there is no condemnation under the power of His name. He has told me I am more precious than jewels. And we know how much value people place on those.... Forgiven, loved beyond any other love, uncondemned and more valuable than jewels..... Today, I will remember these things as I stare at the face of evil waiting to tear me down at work. I will not be afraid of it. I will stare right back at it with the knowledge of who I am and more importantly, who my Father is and I will cling tight to the promise that He is with me always.

Psalm 120: 

 5 The Lord himself watches over you!

   The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.

 6 The sun will not harm you by day,

      nor the moon at night.

 7 The Lord keeps you from all harm

      and watches over your life.

 8 The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,

      both now and forever.

My future home....

I'll be starting the marathon on the bridge, and ending over there at the opera house..... OMG!!!

August 15th

Is my last day in the office working in Los Angeles, California, United States, North America, Nothern Hemisphere!!!

okay, i cant write any more about it. my head is spinning and i need to pray. 

SOOOOOOO EXCITED!

3 years ago...

3 years ago, I accepted Christ. Almost to the day. It was the Thursday before Memorial Day weekend. I remember for years all I would say is "I just want my life to have meant something".... Well, I dont say that anymore, because I know it does. My life has become a priceless gift and each day given to me is a new unwrapped present. I treasure all that my life has become and am so deeply thankful for the love and kindness poured out onto me on a daily basis by my Father.

For your viewing pleasure

Last year, as I was training for the run, this song was on my running playlist. Every time I heard it, I wanted to make a video about the entire experience using this song... Well, a year later and I finally did it. Enjoy.

Grace and promise

 Romans 9: 10-13  To Rebecca, also, a promise was made that took priority over genetics. When she became pregnant by our one-of-a-kind ancestor, Isaac, and her babies were still innocent in the womb—incapable of good or bad—she received a special assurance from God. What God did in this case made it perfectly plain that his purpose is not a hit-or-miss thing dependent on what we do or don't do, but a sure thing determined by his decision, flowing steadily from his initiative. 

What a beautiful description of grace and promise.

public knowledge

Today, on our monthly conference call with the legal teams in Sydney, Houston and New York my boss in Sydney announced that I am transferring...... GASP!! In a matter of two seconds, what I have been holding in for 2 years became public knowledge...  WAIT!! I dont have my visa yet. OR my plane ticket.... YIKES!

I have really struggled to allow myself to believe that this is really all happening. I have been afraid to write about it. If I write about it and if people know about it, then it becomes real, and then when it doesn't happen, I am the idiot. But I am SLOWLY learning about God and His promises. I am learning that God doesnt change and doesnt make promises He doesnt intend on keeping. They are forever regardless of my fear and doubt and disbelief.

My life is about to change in a mighty way.

On another note, I talked to Regina for an hour tonight. I woke her up at 3:30am Zim time and we just talked. About life in general, and we laughed and we prayed. Then I chatted with Jesika. And we just talked. About life and we laughed and shared kindness through our computers. I love my friends. I am so blessed to have Godly women who love Him as much as I do in my life. They are true lights of wisdom.

God is so good to me. I've said it before and I will say it again: I dont deserve Him.

The High Countries

Caedmon's Call sings a song called The High Countries. I have listened to this song probably over 1,000 times. It's one of my most favorite songs, and for the longest time, I had no idea what the song was about, but it was just so beautiful that I didn't care. Then last year when I went to Africa, I read C.S. Lewis's The Great Divorce, and within the first few pages, I began to realize that the song was about this book. Almost every line from the song is a line in the book, and the song began to take on a new meaning.  

I've been listening to it a lot lately. I've been thinking about the book and trying to understand its deeper meaning. It's a very beautiful poetic story about the Great Divorce between Heaven and hell. It takes shape at a bus station in a grey town (hell) with a line of strangers who are angry and frustrated as they all wait to get on the bus. The bus then takes off on into the sky towards the high country (heaven). The people on the bus are ghosts and are offered the chance to explore the countryside with all its green lush grass, waterfalls, etc. And there are solid people that come out from far within the high country to welcome them.  It is very difficult for the ghosts to walk on the grass. Each blade cuts their feet like a knife, the water slices through them most painfully. Everything hurts them. It is VERY difficult for them to stay. Many give up and flee back to the bus which will soon depart back to the grey town where anger and hatred reside. Few remain curious and decide to withstand the pain. The longer they stay, the less painful it becomes as they will become solid if they withstand for just a bit longer.

It's only just this week that it hit me how that is just like our walks with God. It really hurts when we first get here. So much so that sometimes we want to run back to when things didn't hurt and we didnt have to be held accountable for our actions. The more I grow, the more I realize how incredibly pitiful I really am and how I am nothing without God. I am only strong because of Him. Everything good inside of me is a sign that His spirit is in me. My mentor Virginia told me recently "the lower you become, the higher He becomes". I love this, but it is very difficult for someone like me who struggles with pride. But I am determined to not let the devil win the battle against me. God has come so that I can have life more abundantly, and I intend to tap into that power. It's a daily choice. I can allow life to run me over, or I can get back in the car, roll my windows down and sing my heart out. 

"Out on the green plains, I am but a ghost. 

Bound up with all that I call mine, but still the light grows. 

Would you fall to pieces, in the high countries" ~Caedmon's Call

We're only here once. The fight between Heaven and hell is real. And the devil wants to make our lives completely miserable so that we give up and hopefully go back to our sinful ways. This is God's Kingdom. Right here, right now. We are part of the most amazingly wonderfully massively huge eternal story. So let's stop fighting, hating, lusting, boasting, crying, pretending, isolating, judging, accusing, fearing, worrying and lying, and start LIVING, LOVING, CHERISHING, SACRIFICING, REJOICING and work together to bring glory to the One and only that gives us each breath.  

"But what, you ask of earth? Earth, I think, will not be found by anyone to be in the end a very distinct place. I think earth, if chosen instead of Heaven, will turn out to have been, all along, only a region in hell; and earth, if put second to Heaven, to have been from the beginning a part of Heaven itself"~C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

Let's not put earth before Heaven. We are here MAYBE 80 years or so. We are there forever. It is our lives here that will determine our lives there. Let's open our eyes to see the plan that God has placed before each of us. And let's make every attempt to follow it.

American Idol battle....

Bring on the battle of the David's!!

Searching....

I watched Braveheart last night (thanks Jes for the rental). That movie is a like candy store for quote lovers.  There was one line in there that I had to rewind so I could write it down...

It said "Your heart is free. Find the courage to follow it"

I know in my mind that I am free in Christ, yet my heart still seems to need convincing. I allow worry and fear to bind me up in a little ball and toss me around the crashing waves of life. Depression flanks me and makes me want to shut the world and everyone I love out. "How much longer will this last?" is a daily question I ask myself. I seem to be so connected to God so much of the time, yet I cry and hurt on a daily basis wondering if this is really the life He has called me to. Did I miss it? I'm so selfish. I think really mean things about people that have done nothing to me. I am so insanely blessed it isnt even funny. Why is there so much unrest inside me? 

This is the truth: God is my heart. And today, I am searching for the courage to follow it.