Searching....

I watched Braveheart last night (thanks Jes for the rental). That movie is a like candy store for quote lovers.  There was one line in there that I had to rewind so I could write it down...

It said "Your heart is free. Find the courage to follow it"

I know in my mind that I am free in Christ, yet my heart still seems to need convincing. I allow worry and fear to bind me up in a little ball and toss me around the crashing waves of life. Depression flanks me and makes me want to shut the world and everyone I love out. "How much longer will this last?" is a daily question I ask myself. I seem to be so connected to God so much of the time, yet I cry and hurt on a daily basis wondering if this is really the life He has called me to. Did I miss it? I'm so selfish. I think really mean things about people that have done nothing to me. I am so insanely blessed it isnt even funny. Why is there so much unrest inside me? 

This is the truth: God is my heart. And today, I am searching for the courage to follow it.