Looking in the wrong direction

I am sitting on a bench looking out into the waters He has created and I am filled with a sadness I haven't felt in a very long time. Sadness that I have selfishly created in order to avoid responsibility, accountability and truth. Over the last few months, I have turned my attention from the One that has given me a life beyond my imagination and it has turned to the world that in my faithless eyes, looks so much bigger and smarter than me. I have allowed myself to become overwhelmed by the giant that is in front of me. Faith and trust are the answer but I seem to have misplaced them. My faith has been looking in the wrong direction and trust has drifted at sea. I can't put words to what is happening and I can't explain what God is doing, all I know is that I am about to face a giant bigger than any I have faced before. There is a calm in the air but it's coming and life is doing it's very best to pull me in the direction where I forget who I really am so that I stumble and fall when it comes my way. The life that I used to know is gone and I find myself desperately fighting to get back to that place where my faith actually moved mountains. The more I try, the further away I get. But there is a deep sense that God is teaching me a new way to trust, where reliance comes not in a feeling, but in truth alone. And trusting in truth alone is so very hard when the life around me is screaming.