Heavy heart

My heart is heavy tonight. I'm not really sure why, it just hurts. The last couple days of sifting through the box my dad gave me that was filled to the brim with traces of my mother has sparked a chord inside me that I have never heard. It is strange to have grown up without her only to be given a tiny glimpse of who she was 20 years after she died. As I sat with everything from the box scattered in a circle around me last night, I was in tears and looked to God for an answer to the pain that this has caused the course of my life. I know He is in it, I know He held every bitter tear she must have cried, I know he gave her the strength to walk through her battle with her head held high and mostly I know He gave her the courage to write those letters to us before she died. I really miss her.