Today was day two of a near panic attack. When I say panic attack, I actually mean panic attack. Uncontrollable crying, shortness of breath. My friend Sue suggests I start carrying around a brown paper bag wherever I go because I'm pretty sure this is only just beginning. I am starting to get scared. I haven't ever sat down like a full grown adult and asked myself if I am making the right decision. Is moving to Australia wise? Is it the right thing to do? The right time? What if I hate it? I haven't asked myself any of these questions because I never thought to. In my mind, this has been all along God ordained and in His plan for me from the very start and so I never really asked myself if I should or shouldn't go. So finally, 7 weeks before I am set to leave, the reality of what is about to happen is starting to sink in and I am getting scared. I hate change and this is the biggest change of my life. Everything will change, including me. I am about to leave everything that has ever been comfortable. My friends, my family, my bed, my car, my safety net of hermitness, ranch dressing and peanut butter! This will all be replaced by a new job, in a new country, new friends, new enemies I am sure, new streets, new food (vegemite, yuck!), new everything, nothing familiar and that scares the living hell out of me.
However.....
There is a peace. And it lies deeper than any panic. It sits in my heart far beyond the fear and doubt and it is constantly saying to me "this is where you are supposed to go". This isn't about a choice, it's about following God and He is leading me on the wildest ride of my life. Why wouldn't I follow Him? Panic or not, I am going. I said I would go to the ends of the earth, and I meant it. I never imagined He would take me up on it.
Psalm 16:8 I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
2 comments:
I'm so proud of you Lorz! You are strong and brave and the love you have for the Lord is so big -- so big that He's using you because of it! That's SO exciting!
Just remember, you don't need to be a "grown up" and ask yourself if this is wise or something you should be doing. That's what the world considers being responsible, but you aren't a child of this world. You are a special, shining, loved child of God and all you must ask is Him. Constantly keep your focus on what He wants and He will never, ever, ever steer you wrong. He's smiling right now because He's so proud of you and your courage and faithfulness.
I cannot wait to hear about all the wonderful, exciting, beautiful adventures He has prepared for you!
My friend, thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts with us! It is totally ok to think about what you are doing... it is HUGE! Following God around the world is a BIG BIG thing.
We are all very proud of the decisions you have made and it is amazing to watch God move.
You are gonna miss a lot of things, that is ok (pack peanut butter when you go) but you will be so swept away by all the NEW, that the missing with be overshadowed by the excitement!
7 weeks to go my Australian sister!
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